I get to see the sunset

On Saturday, I got a call from my mom, she was going back to the emergency room because she felt her blood count was low. She said, "Erin, I know my blood is low and there is no more I can do today, I need to go to the emergency room". Her next statement was the hardest for me to take, "I hope this round of chemo is working because I am scared and I am not sure how many more hospital stays I can handle."

Since she was diagnosed in August, my mom has been undergowing chemotherapy treatment and every time, 3 to 4 days after completion of the treatment she has to go to the emergency room. The first time was the scariest. She was sitting in the living room and kept passing out. Her friend had to call an ambulence to take her into the hospital only to discover that her white and red blood cell count was extremely low. They admitted her for a couple days, gave her some blood, and sent her on her merry little way. Now, I guess she has figured out when she needs to take herself, we have grown acustom and almost expectant of the hospital stays as a course of treatment.

Recently, she has been participating in a clinical trial for a new type of chemo called Amrubicin, where her blood count has fallen as low as .7. Not surprisingly, after over 5 months of this cycle, she has begun to break down and had a hard time dealing with reality of having to be hospitalized again. While in the hospital, the worst part for her is the boredom and staff who have forgetten how to provide the "care" in health care (more on that in the future).

I try to call her several times a day when she is in the hospital to lend as much companionship and moral support as I can, and have always been amazed whith how resilent she can be.

Today was an example I do not want to forget. The conversation went as follows:

ring ring

Mom: "Hey Erin"
Erin: " Hey Mom, what you up to"
Mom: "Oh just killing time playing solitary (sniff)"
Erin: "Oh yeah, did you win?"
Mom: "I won one game and playing another. I got to winthree games per deck (of cards) and then I change decks. (sniff) If I can do that in a day, then I know good luck is on my side and I will have a good day"
Erin: "That sounds like a plan. I don't think I have every won a game of solitary...maybe I am just not playing enough. How are you feeling?"
Mom: "Better. The doctor said that I should be able to get out of the hospital tomorrow. "
Erin: "Really, how much has your white count improved?"
Mom: "Yesterday it was 1.7, (sniff) and they don't let you out unless you are over 2.5 or 3....I don't know what it is, but he said it looks good. I am feeling better and am sure ready to get home. I got paperwork I need to finish so I can get my disability insurance and indigent care coverage. My mind is working really well right now. (sniff). They actually brought me a newspaper this morning and I finished all the puzzles in it including the puzzles in my puzzle book. I wish had the papers here so I could get them done....but I don't (sniff)."
Erin: "You still have a cold? I keep hearing you sniff."
Mom: "Yeah, but mostly I think it is the Sun coming in the window. I got a room facing East and the sun comes in the room every afternoon. Most the rooms I have been in face South or North and all I get to see is the construction. It's nice, I get to see the Sunset."