Happy Mother's Day: Leave the Garbage Here

This mother's day was the first one in years that I actually spent with my mother. Unfortunately, she was so sick the whole weekend that she slept a majority of the time. It was still a special occasion. Interestingly enough, on Sunday morning, while everyone else was asleep, my mother and I drank coffee, talked and watched "The Weatherman" with Nicholas Cage. This movie was one that I had never thought I would watch. However, TBS was playing it and we happened to pick that station to serve as the background of or conversation. If you haven't seen it, the movie revolves around the lead character played by Nicholas Cage who, surprise, is a weather man and whose father happens to be dying from esophageal cancer. During the movie, the Cage character actually becomes a better father because of the lessons learned from his father as he copes with his cancer. Talk about uncomfortable or at least awkward. My mother and I shared many of those types of moments.

Mom and I talked quite a bit about the things that she has missed out on in life and how I, the one person in her life that she thought should have given up on her, was here, now, watching the movie.

My mother, not one to be known to be 'direct' in her comments, loves to 'hint around' until the point or request is made. The following is an ongoing transcript of our key conversations during the weekend.

Erin: "Hey Mom, Whatcha doin?"
Mom: "Just sittin' here, waiting for you to get into town."
Erin: "Awesome. What would you like me to cook for Mother's day dinner?"
Mom: "Well..I don't know. I have some hamburger meat hear that Audrie left that I need to cook."
Erin: (knowing that this was a hint for me to cook spaghetti) " REALLY? So I guess you want meat loaf, or hamburgers?"
Mom: "No..Those don't sound so good. I don't know...I just need to cook this meat up."
Erin: "Well, we could cook it up and make some kind of mixture with potatoes and green peppers? I use to do that all the time when I was in college."
Mom: "No, I'm not too sure that is what I want. Ohh...I found some noodles over here in the corner. Can you use them some how?"
Erin: "Ahh...Spaghetti it is. I can make that and use both your hamburger meat and your noodles."
Mom: "Yeah, that sounds good. Spaghetti will be good."

Fast forward to my visit. We visited at Huie's house. As an aside, mom slept through the entire dinner and ended up eating her spaghetti as a lunch the next day. Not wanting to miss visiting with her, I woke up at 3am hoping she was awake. Finding her so, I got up and we had one of our best visits ever. The following is a transcript of the key pieces of what I would like to remember and share:

Erin: "Good Morning. Nicholas Cage huh? I always thought that man was shaped wrong. What are you watching?"
Mom: "Oh you're up. Why don't you go back to sleep. He isn't so bad..but this is a weird movie. I was waiting for the Meerkats to come on the Animal Planet and playing solitary."
Erin: "I can't sleep any more. Besides I can catch up when I get home. Yeah Nick isn't bad on the eyes, but then he opens his mouth and all I want to do is stuff it full of something to unclog the nasal sound. Are you winning?"
Mom: "Yup ! I have won two games already."
Erin: "Good for you."

We then sat quiet watching the movie.

Then:
Mom: "You know, I asked Mary Baumer to handle all the church arrangements. I didn't want you to have to handle everything."
Erin: "That's good. If I were left up to do it, I probably wouldn't have been the most 'PC' and definitely would have violated some form of Catholicism."
Mom: "Ha..Ha! No I just want to have everything taken care of before I go."
Erin: "I understand and we have been discussing this for months. You don't need to do it all on your own. I am here."
Mom: "I know. But you are my daughter, and I don't want it to be hard on you."
Erin: "It already is...for both of us. Let's do this like we have our entire lives. When life gets hard, we hunker down and fight like a family. I love you."
Mom: "I wish I could forgive your sister's father, Rick. I hate that man and just can't figure out how to forgive him."
Erin: "Why is that? "
Mom: "He is evil. He is an evil man and I can't forgive him."
Erin: "Really? If you remember, mom, your sisters and brothers, Audrie, and myself at some point considered you an evil person. You have done and said some seriously hateful and vindictive things when you were suffering from the down side of your mental illnesses. Have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten that they have forgiven you? That I have forgiven you?"
Mom: "You are right. I need to work on it and find a way to forgive him."
Erin: "Yes you do. I love you, but I had to work really hard to forgive you. Now I can say, Happy Mother's Day, and truly mean it. But the shadow of the things that you have said and done are still there. I choose to focus on the positives and let the other crap go. Hopefully you can let your garbage go as well, for that will be all you have left when you leave. For both our sakes, I hope the garbage stays here. "